random(?) memory
Tuesday, September 20, 2011 - 8:44 AM
the other day i was sitting on the toilet when a memory from 8(!) years ago randomly popped up in my head.
it was the december holidays before secondary school started. my mom had signed me up for a seminar for life skills for teenagers. it was a 2-day thing. of course i reluctantly went. she had said that she wanted to prepare me for transition into adulthood or something like that.
i remember the day she dropped me off at the location. can't remember where it was though. i think it was some country club. she registered my name and left. i knew absolutely no one. ok so i spotted a familiar face so i wasn't completely alone. but almost everyone had friends with them. so in that sea of people i just stood there with my mouth shut.
during the seminar itself there were team activities too. it was painful at best. i was the only girl in the group. the guys were so awkward and shy. i was just miserable but i went along with the activities.
end of day 1. parents picked me up. they asked me how it was and i just said, "it was ok." no it wasn't. my social skills were (are?) nonexistent and i had just spent ~10 hours of painful activities and barely spoke. during the ride home i guess my mom could tell that i had a bad day and didn't enjoy myself. she asked me whether i wanted to come for the 2nd day. i answered hesitantly. "no." i knew that i was letting my mom down. she had paid a lot for me to attend that course yet didn't even want to complete it.
when i thought about that memory again i realized that my mom truly invested a lot in me so that i could excel in life. but she was and is sensitive to my feelings (which i don't always voice out) and always makes sure i was ok. i feel sad thinking about my past self. i wish i could go back 8 to years ago and give me a slap in the face and lecture myself about how much my mom had sacrificed for me to attend that seminar. but i had just turned 12. just a kid.
so yeah. a memory.
