Tuesday, May 03, 2011 - 3:53 AM
calm before the typhoon
this saturday's the first paper. i think i'm almost done with revision for that. cos i did most of it more the mid-terms. so i'm thankful for mid-terms.
now today was just a gloomy day. like a continuation of yesterday. yesterday i ate at f.i.s.h. with my mom and relatives. supposed to be carousel but i guess it was too expensive (cousin was treating). so me and my cousins were discussing about our june/july trip. i realized that with my budget we couldn't do much in sabah so i was prety sure it wasn't gonna be worth my money. i was hoping my parents would lend me some...i didn't ask but i doubt that they were gonna.
so the thought of not going on an annual trip this year really made me depressed. especially since i just had the worst semester ever. i just wasn't into school. lab just made it worse. i just need to get away from this country. yeah so i was looking forward to a big trip especially with the government's angbao coming in...but it still isn't enough. and it's not like i'm not working. my pay isn't very big and i have to pay my bills and contacts and top-up my ez-link so i'm not left with a lot.
then i thought about those lucky people who can afford to do european trips and how much money they spend and when i tell my mom all of this she snaps at me "don't think about other people." it really pisses me off that she seems to be happy not seeing the world and she doesn't seem to be working hard enough so that the family can enjoy overseas trips.
i know i'm gonna regret saying this but when i start working and can afford to go on those big trips, i don't think i'll be bringing her along. she did say to me "you can do all that when you earn your own money" instead of "don't worry i'll work hard so we can do all that." i love my mom but sometimes her stinginess and narrowmindedness really blinds her.
then today sheeba came back from mating after about 4 days. of course she was dirty. the last time we gave her a bath she drew blood so i'm sure i wasn't gonna do it again. sheeba's different. i think it's because she's been a stray for so long that she's not used to being handled. sometimes i feel scared when i pet her because she's really unpredictable. also, we think she has a kidney problem because her eyes discahrge this red liquid (blood?). so my mom suggested we don't let her in anymore cos she may bring diseases back to our house. which is true. i was heartbroken of course but when i weighed all the factors, i knew that the best solution was to let her go.
the next time she leaves the house, she won't be let in. let's see how we endure her pitiful meowing outside the house. we'll probably get another cat because our family loves having a cat around. initially i objected to this idea of letting sheeba go because the reason we took her in was not because "we want a cat so we'll take sheeba in" but "sheeba looks so pitiful and hungry, we should take care of her". so now letting her go and getting a new one seems wrong. but i guess this is in the best interests of our family because she is quite aggressive and probably sick. i'm not sure how committed we are to this idea of letting her go. we'll probably give in and let her in. i don't know.
